The Tooth Hurts, Rainbow Dash

Rainbow Dash was so friggin’ excited. 

Not only was she hanging out with her friends, but they were also taking her to a SUPER COOL SECRET PARK that she’d never been to before! So secret she was even blindfolded and stuff! 

Man, she’d make a cool secret agent.

Anyway.

“Never been to this one?” she asked as her friends guided her towards… wherever. “I dunno, girls. I’ve been to a LOT of parks.”

“You’ve never been to this one,” Rarity said, politely. 

“Are you su—”

“Yes,” Rarity interrupted. Immediately. “I am.”

“Rarity,” she heard AJ whisper, chastising. “Don’t be like that.”

Huh! Rainbow Dash thought. Rarity was probably jealous that the others never took her anywhere special! 

“So, what’s at this park?” Rainbow asked. “Anything fun?”

“Uhm,” said Fluttershy. “They spray water at you sometimes…”

Rainbow gasped, stoked. “Whaaat?! Like a water park?!” 

“Something like that…” 

“What else do they have?!”

Twilight cleared her throat. “Machinery! For drilling and filling. And cleaning.” She paused. “Kind of like… miniature power-washing.”

“Oh. My. Gosh!” 

Rainbow was vibrating with excitement. This place sounded almost as cool as her.

“Man, this sounds awesome, girls,” she said, genuinely. She almost choked up a little, even. “It’s great having friends like you guys who always take me to the cool places.”

Not a single one of her friends said anything to that, which was obviously because they were very touched and emotional. Heh, dweebs (but lovingly). 

“All right, we’re here!” Rarity exclaimed. 

Rainbow’s wings flapped at her side, taking several steps forward into… Wait. That didn’t feel like grass. That felt like floor. 

“Let’s just get it over with,” said Twilight, followed by her magic removing Rainbow’s blindfold. 

Rainbow blinked, looking around with confusion. They were not at a park at all, but inside a little clinical-looking waiting room. 

“Huh!” She looked to her friends. “This kiiinda doesn’t look like a park?”

“It’s… an inside park?” Fluttershy replied, wincing when Applejack smacked her hoof against her own face. 

Rainbow frowned. “What? Those don’t exis—”

“Hello!”

She turned around, and the color drained from her face at the sight of a stallion wearing a doctor’s coat with a big tooth sewn on the flank. He looked at a chart he was holding. 

“Miss… Rainbow Dash, is it?”

Rainbow gasped. And then gasped again when she realized this was no park. This was the exact opposite of a park. This was like… THE DENTIST. 

OH NO. 

She turned around, ready to escape, and what betrayal she felt at the sight of all five of her friends barricading the door, each holding a weapon at the ready: Twilight, her magic; Fluttershy, Angel Bunny; Pinkie, a balloon shaped like Angel Bunny; Applejack, a lasso; and Rarity, a dress (for some reason?). 

“Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said, threatening, “you can’t never go to the dentist.”

“Yes, I can!” Rainbow protested, ignoring Rarity practically fainting when she said, “I haven’t brushed my teeth in years and it’s been okay!”

“Rainbow!” Twilight said, horrified. “This is exactly how tooth decay happens! Do you want your teeth to fall out?!”

“What? That’s nothing to worry about!” Rainbow insisted, ignoring Rarity actually fainting when she said, “I’ve super-glued like six of them back in, and they’re still there!”

Eight hours later, Rainbow Dash blinked awake, finding Applejack had lasso’d her to the dentist’s chair. Her friends were standing by, watching her expectantly. 

“Welcome back, sugarcube,” Applejack said. “How’re you feelin’?”

Instinctively, Rainbow ran her tongue over her teeth and… found they were okay. And not only that, but the pain she’d been taking six ibuprofen for every five hours for months was gone? Huh! Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea. 

But still, she huffed and looked away from her friends. “I ain’t telling anything to you traitors!”

“All right, ladies,” said the dentist, walking over with a piece of paper. “Due to the severity of the patient’s… DIY damage, I’ve had to revise my cost estimate significantly.” He smiled politely as he handed it over to Fluttershy. “Who will be paying?”

Fluttershy took one look at it, said “Oh, goodness!” and immediately passed it to Rarity, who almost fainted again after a glance but not before passing it to Twilight, and so on and so forth until it was Applejack’s turn. Without breaking eye contact with Rainbow, she laid it on Rainbow’s chest, and then the five friends immediately exited the room in a quiet and orderly fashion. 

The dentist looked at Rainbow.

Rainbow looked at the dentist. 

“Do you accept payment in the form of super cool flight stunts?”

“No, Miss Dash.”

“What if I throw an autographed picture in there, eh? Eh?”

“No, Miss Dash.”

“Aw, ponyfeathers.”